Memorial service

Today we had a beautiful memorial service at the orphanage for our Christianna Joy.  It was perfect for her - outside under a large tree, filled with flowers, songs of praise.  Our dear friends and family shared words to help us describe what we find hard to describe.  

It was a day I didn't want to happen.  And this morning when I woke up, I found it unbearable to think of going to that same place where we had been for other burials of babies we had loved, and to see my own daughter's name on the headstone.   i kept crying out and saying "no, Lord, no."  But in my grief, I found hope.  And we saw the name of Jesus lifted high, and the hope of heaven brought closer.  Tonight my Acacia went to sleep speaking of her longing for heaven to be with her Lord, but resolved to seek Jesus and do what He has for her until that time.  Amen and amen.

As her mother, this is what I shared:

"Christianna.  I love to say her name.  Even now I will say it in the morning and listen for that sweet voice saying “I love you, Mama” with a smile as I kiss her forehead and hug her to my chest.  Her full name is Christianna Joy and we often called her that because of how it so truly reflects who she is.  A joyful follower of Christ.  To me as her mother, and to her family, and to many of you, she is the fragrance of Christ.  A sweet smelling aroma, filling wherever she goes with kindness, beauty, and service to others.  There are no words to ever be able to describe the pain of losing her from this earth, just as there are no words to describe the joy that she was to us for the time God gave us.   I miss hearing her call “Mama” as she showed me her latest creation, or to listen to her song on the piano, or watching her play blocks with Joshua or hearing her laughter as she ran and played outside.  I miss the promise of new memories made with her as she learns to love a new baby or climb a new tree.  I pray I may never forget the love that shined from her eyes to all she came across, because it was from a heart that loved her Jesus.  Often times she would doodle, or write little notes, and there were three things she would write: “I love Zambia, I love Mommy Daddy, I love Jesus.”  Those were her outflowings in life, and she was content to find joy in where her Savior had planted her.  

On Wednesday as we were visiting the children here, Christianna said “mommy, mommy, come see this rainbow!” and we looked and saw a brilliant rainbow over the Haven.  Christianna said to Acacia “I want to fly on that rainbow!”.  Just after her passing from this earth Acacia saw a rainbow over our home.  She was now flying on her rainbow.  We cry and mourn, but do not despair.  For the reality of heaven is closer to us now, the presence of our Savior is all that we have, and He will never forsake us.  I can trust my Jesus because He is good and true and pure and Holy.  When I look to this world and my life and its losses, they are incomprehensible.  When I look to God’s word and His truth, there is peace.  One of my first thoughts just after we stopped resuscitating Christianna’s body was “in this world there are many sorrows.”  It is true.  But Jesus said Take heart, for I have overcome the world.  

I am again faced with a choice.  I can trust Jesus or I can trust my own understanding.  If I say I trust Jesus, I have to trust Him with everything.  His word doesn’t give options in that .  It is not really about Christianna.  She is dancing with Jesus.  She is more beautiful and alive than she has ever been.  It’s about my relationship with my Lord.  He wants me to lean into Him, to love Him above all, and to look to Him for each moment of every day.  Then there is true joy.  As you remember our Christianna Joy today, may you turn to Jesus and know of His love for you, the joy in worshiping Him, and the peace of walking with Him.  "

We continue to seek your prayers as we grieve and mourn deeply, while leaning into our blessed Jesus.  

love, Christa for the family