Just by being who God made you to be (Year Five)

September 22, 2007 (four and a half years old)

Dearest Christianna Joy,

Your spirit so beautifully reflects your name.  You spread the joy of Christ everywhere you go - just by being who God made you to be....

- In the way you dance and twirl and sing in praise to God - like at our family chapel today when you danced while we sang "Praise to the Lord".
- In the way you so quickly serve our family and friends like when you offered Sofie the blue popsicle today because that's your favorite and there is only one, and how you offered to pick up Acacia's pajamas for her because she was already in bed.
- In the way you radiate joy for life and love for people like when you say your favorite part of the day is "kissing mommy" and "everything".

You broke your finger bones a couple weeks ago jumping on the trampoline with Acacia and Uncle Nate.  You cried hard, but since the initial pain, you have just not given your broken hand and subsequent cast a second thought.  Well, actually it has become a nice accessory to play super hero and whap the bad guys and be stylin' with people signing and decorating your cast.  You just go for life and don't let the details slow you down.

You inspire me, and fill me with joy to be your mommy.

I love you, my kissable Christianna,
Mommy

Giving and Singing (Year Four)

June 9, 2006 (three and a half years)

Dear Christianna,

You have a new big sister, and now get to be both a big and a little sister.  You have nick-named her "Katriya Rose cutie butie Murphy" and call her "adorable".  You ask frequently to hold her and kiss her and tell her you love her.  It is very precious to behold.  When she cries you bring her stuffed animals and sing to her.  She is blessed to have you as a big sister.

Wednesday we were at Oma's by the lake and had wild strawberries for dessert.  It made my heart glad when you came over with four strawberries, as you had picked one to share with everyone.  Your giving spirit flows over into everything you do.

You love to dance, and are quite excited to start ballet in the fall, but I think you'll be ahead because of how much you do at home with Acacia showing you what she has learned.

You love to sing and lately have been making your own songs of praise and love to God to sing.  It is the best kind of song of all.

Daddy says your joy is contagious, and it is true.  You have such a lively, overflowing spirit, you are truly a joy in our life and to the Spirit of God.  We praise God for you, my little love.

love,
Mommy

August 30, 2006

Dear Christianna,

You are my little joy with love overflowing.  You frequently tell me you love me, daddy, and Acacia, and Katriya (and sometimes even Zeus (the cat) makes it into the love).  At night I ask you your favorite part of the day and you say "you mean night?"  I say "Sure!" and you say "giving you a hug" and give me a great big strong hug -so strong you ask if I can still breathe after it is all over.

Your favorite book by far right now is "There's a Monster at the End of this Book" starring Grover - I tickle you each time it says "Monster" and pretend I'm scared to turn the page.  What fun we have.

You've started 'preschool' this week and are anxious to do school like Acacia so we have lots of fun workbooks for you and you help Acacia with her experiments and crafts.  The hardest part is you miss being able to play with her now that she's in 1st Grade, but played together tonight for over one hour putting on a funny show.  I thank God for your love for each other and how much you enjoy just being sisters.  Most of all, I thank God for you and that God gave us such a special joy in our life.

love, for always,
Mommy

Little Sweetie (Year Four)

January 1, 2006 (three years old)

Dearest Christianna Joy,

You are such a joy.  Today at church you were dancing for Jesus in front of our pew - so gracefully to the music, twirling and dipping with your arms out.  I wish we could all give so freely to God our worship.

For Christmas you got a tent from Opa and Oma and you and Acacia have already spent hours in it making up stories about mommys and sweeties and friends and bad guys.

Last week we had our second ultrasound for our new baby - you are so proud you get to be a big sister. My favorite part was you patting my belly and singing "Jesus Loves Me" when you saw the baby.   You check up on the baby regularly making sure he has enough food to eat, is warm enough, and give lots of "I love you hugs and kisses to my belly."  My heart overflows with joy each time I think of the beautiful creation God has given us in you.

love to my little sweetie,
Mommy

Zest for life (Year Three)

January 22, 2005 (two years old)

Dear Christianna,

You are my little acrobat.  Movement and joy are your trademarks.  Lately you have taken to running around the house yelling "baby buns!".  You are doing a lot more imaginative play with your "persons" (Fisher Price people) in the dollhouse and all over the house.

My favorite parts of the day were your power hugs - you swing your arms around my neck and bear hug me.  What fun it is to be your mommy!

love,
Mommy

10 April 2005

Dear Christianna,

We have been on a journey.  A journey to Zambia which has been accounted in my journal, but there are some specific things I have enjoyed with you.  First of all, you are such a joy - you are a conqueror in life - making things happen along the way.

You now ask why of most things.  "Why people wear shoes Mama?", "Why too far to walk Mama?", (when we are going from Africa to USA), "Why stars Mama?".  You have great questions, and seem to understand all the answers.  Now when you see stars they are "Jesus stars!".  The sun, too, is "Jesus sun!" It is wonderful to be a part of your growing faith and understanding of Jesus' love for you and the world around you.  You now tell me that Jesus loves me and Daddy and Gretchen and Acacia.

You are so precious, and I have treasured this time with you.  You give lots of hugs and kisses and of course smiles.

love,
Mommy

p.s. - You now say "Wokigi Daddy!" which means "fast" in Kikaonde. :)

Contagious Joy ( Year Two )

April 8, 2004 ( One and a half years)

Dear Christianna Joy,

I believe God is already blessing you with joy and in turn you bring joy to those around you with your contagious grin and energetic spirit.  This week we are at a camp in New York for a family vacation while Daddy speaks to the youth.  You love walking - just walking - it matters not where - unless you decide you need to go a certain direction.  Then if I call, you'll stop, look at me, then do a little dance in a circle with a grin on your face!

You are growing quite an affection for your sister and call her Acacia which comes out more like "dada" but is differentiable from Daddy's dada.  Acacia now entertains you with her dolls and books in the morning when you wake up in your crib and you only cry when she leaves the room.

When we were walking in New York City yesterday you were riding in the stroller, reclined like you owned the world.  Then you'd look up at me over your shoulder and grin like "look at me!" and people did!  You got a quite a few comments about how cute you are - its not just your face but your expression and personality that go along with it that is difficult to put into words.

But I do pray, that God will continue to mold your spirit into one that brings Him joy and pleasure and that you would desire to serve Him all of your days with all that you are.  You can change the world and I can already see some of the special gifts God has given you start to emerge!  What a treasure and a joy you are.

I like to whisper in your ear "I love you Christianna Joy" and watch you smile.  Tonight you giggled and played as I changed you and softened your skin with lotion.  You like to show me my nose and the noses of your dollies and I like to give you nose kisses.

I love you Christianna Joy!
Mommy :)

Radiant Smile (Year One)

This is an excerpt from Christianna's journal, written to her periodically by Mommy

July 26,2003 (8 months old)

Dear Christianna,

You are such a precious, beautiful girl.  Already your beauty shines radiantly through your smile.  Your Oma syas youare alwasy smiling so easily.  At the beginning of this month you started saying "mama".  I love to hear you say it, and I always try to respond with lots of excitement.  You are communicating more these days with your eyes and tones of your voice.   This week you started waving backwards, what fun!  You are now quite good at pulling yourself to standing and scooting around a bit.  I think you will be so excited to be crawling and not just confined to where we put you.

All my love,
Mommy

August 24, 2003 (9 months)

Dear Christianna,

You are full of joy - I am enjoying starting to see your personality become more interactive.  Your sister is the best at getting you to squeal and smile.  She will play "Boo!" with you and tickle your tummy - sometimes she just dances and sings for you - you seem to know its meant just for you and you love it.  You started crawling right on your 9 month birthday - it was a victorious day for you as you have been working hard to get your body going where your mind wants to explore.  You seem much more content now.  I love to watch you - you still have to think about getting your knee up under your body and making it work.

We went for a walk today at the nature center.  You loved all the trees and things to watch and I let oyu chew on a stick.  When you got sleep you leaned your head against my chest.  How precious these days are.  I love your zest for life.  May it be translated into zest and zeal for Jesus as you grow.

I love you precious one,
Mommy

Groaning

Friday, May 23rd will be one year that our Christianna Joy went home to her Savior and Love.  When I write that, I still think, but I want her here, home with me!  How jealously I still cling.  But I don't think even God minds.  It is borne out of a deep passion and love of a mother who DELIGHTED in her daughter.  Each moment.  Wishing I had taken life a little slower over those quick ten years, but not wanting to replace anything.  

Some say the goal of the first year after the loss of a child is to survive.  It has certainly felt that way on many days.  And yet there has been more than survival.  There has been a shedding, a stripping, of desire for the things of this earth.  A groaning, at times even a DEMANDING, that all things be restored in the final redemption of this earth and of our bodies.  That Christ reveal more of who He is, to me, to our family, to this world.  And a decision that in the face of tragedy and catastrophic loss I will seek transformation and not destruction by the Grace of our Lord Jesus.  

His Word has been my Bread, my Life, my Hope.  And I praise Him for it.  

Christianna, we miss you, we love you, we long to see you again, soon.

Daddy and Mommy

Acacia, Katriya, Isaiah, Shamirah, Joshua

Romans 8

Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.  For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are. Against its will, all creation was subjected to God’s curse. But with eager hope,  the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay.  For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.  And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised us.  We were given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we don’t need to hope for it.  But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.)

And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will.  (NLT)